Writing a book.

I think I want to write a book. Seriously.

I’ve talked about it before, and thought it about it a plethora of times, but I seriously think I want to. The more I read, the more drawn I am to the idea of writing, and to the concept of reconstructing my cognitive caverns.

I view the world differently. I see things through a lens I cannot find elsewhere. I find tidbits of “Nate’s ‘worldview’” all over the place, but no tidbit is a complete image. I want to share how I see things and how I think about things. I want to put my opinions, and beliefs out of the table for people to criticize, to destroy and to challenge. I suppose they could also agree with me on something here and there.

Every time I think of writing something with the idea of publishing in mind, I get afraid.
I’m afraid that what I complete will not be sophisticated. That it won’t be educated enough. That it won’t be substantiated. That it won’t be reputable, coming from a 20 year old hooligan. I’m afraid that, if it somehow, miraculously, does get published, people will judge me. People will write me off as being ‘this’ or ‘that’, and I would hate for that to happen. I think I would write with the ambition of having my ideas refined. I would want people to write to me with there angry comments, and with their encouragements.

I am also afraid of being known.

I do not want people to know me. I do not want to be recognized, or god forbid “famous”. I want to slip below the radar because if I am known, I will have the challenge of keeping my focus on a micro level. When fame hits, it draws attention to grand issues, and grand topics. I prefer to keep my roots on a micro level. I want to stay grounded with a few people, not a ton, and I want to keep my attention on the issues at hand, hopefully small ones.
I guess it wouldn’t be terrible to be able to work on grand issues, but I don’t want my focus to shift from a micro level to a macro level

I am afraid of losing who I am in helping other people grow into who they are meant to be.